Dear rich and oil rich Muslim Leaders,

I know you don’t want to get your shiny sparkly tanks, fighter planes and weapons messy in the assistance of a fellow Muslim country that is being massacred, you are kind of like the person who buys an umbrella but doesn’t want to use it when it is raining because it’ll get wet, ok fair enough, we all know that your military hardware is really for show, pageantry and pomp (or maybe you guys are compensating for deficiencies in other areas?) I get it that they give you those nice aesthetic military formations during your parades and dispense that nice coloured smoke when your fighter jets give you a flyby in the grand finale! Who doesn’t enjoy a nice parade eh? I know that they are there to give the impression of what great leaders you are and to show your people what strength and military prowess you have even though in reality you are a bunch of spineless cowards. OK I get it, you don’t have an appetite for a fight, who does? I mean, one time I made a comment that upset my wife and made myself scarce until she calmed down! I know she hasn’t forgotten and is probably biding her time to get even, so I get it it that you don’t want to get into fisticuffs. I totally understand that you are comfortable in your opulent palaces, lucky you, I TOTALLY get it! The Mrs. asked me to cut the grass the other day, but I just didn’t want to move from my nice comfortable DFS leather couch because football was on. Luckily, Arsenal beat Spurs in the North London Derby this weekend and because I was in a good mood I mowed the lawn for her (unfortunately, unlike your good selves I don’t have servants) thus avoiding a potential conflict with the ministry of interior and setting off the aforementioned time bomb. So I know where you are coming from, really I do. But could I just ask for one thing, it won’t cost you much and won’t require you to expend a lot of effort. Well you see, most of our western politicians, news agencies and some journalists are, well lets just say, “well looked after” by the Zionists and in return they turn a blind eye to what Israel and the IDF do to the Palestinians, in fact they make it look like the Israelis are throwing a wild firework party in Gaza for the entertainment of the Palestinians!

These journalists, media outlets and politicians are prone to nefarious actions, I mean just look at the scandals, phone tapping, expense fiddling, false accounting, misreporting, sex scandals, Jimmy Saville the list is endless. Most of these guys would sell their grandmothers for a few thousand and if they hadn’t already traded their souls they’d be more than happy to negotiate those as well. I am sure you guys have more money than those rich Zionists, in fact judging by the large empty towers you guys build you have more money than sense (again, compensating for deficiencies elsewhere?) Perhaps you could make available a few $million of that “hard earned” oil money and grease some palms for us? How about it, perhaps the journos can then report the truth, the media can then broadcast the truth and the politicians can, well, at least try and speak the truth (it is hard for some of them)? Also, send a few $thousand to Muslim lobby groups, most of the people lobbying are doing so for free anyway they just need a little to keep them going. They are doing a great job in the face of overwhelming odds so anything you guys can do would make it a little easier for them.

One last request please. Can you ask your friend and cohort Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal Al Saud, you know, the chap with that 70s moustache and that wonderful bouffant hair, to have word with Fox News, which he part owns, and to have a quiet chat with Rupert Murdoch and the sleazebags at News International, I am sure you guys watch telly and these scumbags aren’t exactly nice to you or us.

Failing all that, at least open your mouths and say something, your silence is deafening!

Best wishes

A. Muslim